You are 3 years old!

My Love Echo,

You slept with us in the big bed the night before your birthday. On a peaceful Sunday morning, I woke you up with kisses and happy birthday wishes. "Is it my birthday? Am I a birthday girl?" you asked, with smile and disbelief. "Yes," I said. "It's your birthday my love. Happy birthday!" "Am I a birthday girl?" finally reaching a cherished longing.

You are not as emotionally revealing as Zoe so sometimes it's hard to tell how much something means to you. You saw birthday parties where kids blow candles, get gifts or just radiate with the awareness of being special. Not understand why and whether your turn will come, you take it in sucking your thumb.  It's so hard to be a child and you are so dear to me that it breaks my heart.

We celebrated Zoe's birthday a few months early this year so she could have more of her school friends over. When we went to the bakery to pick her cake, I asked you to pick your birthday cake too. Excited, you looked through the pictures, and easily set your heart on a My Little Pony's cake with Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle characters. But your birthday was still 2 months away, which had no meaning for you. It's interesting as a grownup to see how the concept of time and of space does not exist for kids. Or maybe it does but in a non-linear way. So it's always tricky to find the right way to talk about things that happen over time. On and off we talked about the cake and what gifts you wanted - which too, were ponies.

The day before your birthday, we decorated the house  and went back to the bakery to order your cake. You still wanted the Ponies cake. "We're going to eat it," you said, implying today. Again explain that we'll have the cake tomorrow.

On your birthday, we went to pick up your cake. In every occasion Zoe made it known to others that it was her little sister's birthday. In the afternoon, our friend Geniva came to celebrate you with us. I revealed the big cupcake pinata I was hiding upstairs that Zoe filled with chocolate and candy the day before. Evert since our camping trip last year, you love the idea of banging pinata and having a candy rain.

You were so happy blowing the candles on your colorful cake, and eating the frosting. 

The next day we planned a celebration with your friends and teachers at daycare. In the afternoon, all three of us came to your class with cupcakes, shakers, underwater themed plates... I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the classroom was already decorated with a "Happy Birthday" sign. You were wearing a beautiful crown of colorful candles, and glowing with confidence. Your staple smile that leaves all else in the shadows was on your face. Your teacher Halley said you refused to take it off all day, except at nap time. You must have been boiling with excitement all day. 

We started off with reading books to your classmates. You sat on my lap on the couch, while Zoe sat with the audience on the carpet in front of us, holding Marella on her lap. Papa took pictures. After the book reading, everybody sang happy birthday to Echo as you blew the candles, ate cupcakes, and shook the little shakers to the rhythm of various songs, drew pictures and popped bubbles. As your friends continued with their routine, all four of us headed back home still decorated for your birthday.

I'm looking forward to every birthday we will celebrate together, year after year.

I love you.

Mommy.

Playful, Rebellious and Loving

My Echo,

You are pretty much potty trained. We diaper you at night, but you wake up dry. You stopped pooping on yourself forever. But lately, you've been having too many pee accidents. We've been doing a ton of carpet and floor cleaning, and extra loads of laundry. You refuse to sit on the toilet and pee. Both at home and at daycare, pee time became a stressful and time consuming ordeal involving incentives, entertainment and frustration. You stiffen yourself up so we can't make you sit by force. Last week we went to the movie theater. On the way out, I asked dad to take you to the bathroom. "Nothing came out" you said. 2 minutes later in the car "I need to go to the bathroom" you said. We stopped the car, your seat was already wet. I pulled you out and held you on the grass, to let you finish your business. You started pooping, like dog, outside some stranger;s house. My arms and legs were hurting from holding you hovering above the ground. Worried that the owner of the house would step out, I asked if you were done. "I'm pooping I'm pooping. OI'm not done yet!" you said every time. Papa gathered your droppings in a bag, as I wiped your butt. We were beyond frustrated as this was only one if the many accidents that weekend. In the car I said that if you continue with not going to the bathroom we might have to give it away. You became quiet. Zoe started crying.

Since I wasn't really going to give you away, I had to resort (re-resort) to the oldest trick in the book: Bribe you with M&Ms. Of course, it worked, but for how long do you expect to get M&Ms in exchange for pee?

You continue to love me and want to be with me. I feel the same toward you. You climb on my lap on the couch and say "I want all of you. I don't want to share you." At bed time, all three of us cuddle for a little while. "I want to be so close to you," you say, as you snuggle up against me. At other times, you continue to say "you are mine! I'm going to keep you forever. And you are not going to die." It's tricky to deal with such statements. I don't want to scare you but I also don't want to die. So I try to balance it all. "Everyone dies, but I'm not going to die soon," I say sometimes. Once you kept probing and I said I'll die when I"m older, not now. "But you are not getting old," you said. I let it go. Yes, I said, I'm not old yet.

I want to be with you forever too, Echo.

Love,
Mommy.