My love Echo,
Your birthday is two months away, but we already started making party plans. So far we have been celebrating it at home with the family, and at daycare, with your friends. This year a couple of your friends had birthday celebrations at other venues. You also witness birthday parties through Zoe's world, and its becoming obvious that you'd enjoy something a little extra this year.
A few weeks ago we went to your friend Emory's birthday party at the Seattle Gymnastics Academy. We dropped off our gift bag at the entrance, you bounced on the trampoline, played in the foam pit with your friends, and hung out with me. The celebration ended with snacks and a birthday cake. The staple balloon bunch was also part of the scene. On the way to the car you said: "Can we have my birthday party here too?" You don't tend to ask for things and when you do, you are indirect and stoic - no acting out, no air of entitlement. So there was no mistaking that this is what you want. "Of course we can. But there are other fun birthday places. Better ones. We can check out some other ones." I said.
I seriously was not impressed by the venue. You and your friends are all 3 year old, one by one turning 4, and are just learning to play together. The place was big, with random stations here and there that most of you have never seen before. There was no moderator to guide you through, and most of the time you all wondered around, spent lengthy amounts of time sitting down, waiting for your turn on the trampoline - one child at a time - or clinging to your moms. But for one reason or another, you clearly enjoyed the experience.
"I want it to be here," you said. "Then of course we can have it here," I said.
In the following weeks the topic came up a few times. I offered to take you to the bouncy house at Magnuson park where you used to play soccer, just so you see another option for a birthday celebration. Zoe was at Hebrew school with her friend Sonia. So you and I bounced and climbed and slid down the fast slides. Then papa took over and you continued to bounce. You were overjoyed by the experience. "Would you like to have your birthday party here or where Emory had hers?" I asked. "Here!" You said. I will reserve your spot!
After quitting Amazon, I was going to take some time off work, and spend more time with you and Zoe. I started volunteering in the baby room at your daycare in exchange for lower fees, picking up Zoe right after the bell instead of her 'after school' program. You both got sick multiple times within a few weeks, and I was able to look after you without juggle, compromise, or added stress. But luck came knocking, and I found a new job quickly. They agreed to postpone my start date and we went to visit all the family in Italy and İstanbul. I would have loved to have a longer break from work and be with you more. My adorable Echo.
There are advantages to being a working mom... There is a great toy store a block away from the office. I stop by from time to time and pick things for you and Zoe. I carefully browse through the different sections, picturing you play with them. I bring somethings home every now and then. Better yet, I've been building a small collection of toys and art activities to keep you and Zoe entertained when you come with me to work once in a while this summer. I also picked up a gift for Emory from that store. The day I brought it home, I also got something for you and for Zoe. You both loved your gifts. Then you noticed Emory's piano book. "We didn't play with this one yet," you said. "That's for Emory's birthday," I said, my heart breaking a little, as I read your feelings. My humble Echo that never throws a fit when she wants something. "Is that ok?" I asked? You waves your head as "yes." But you kept looking at it, your heart reaching out to it through your eyes. I couldn't blame you. It was a cool book with an integrated piano. You have something similar, which is a hand me down from Zoe. She still plays with it too, but she is so good about sharing and accepting that most toys at home belong to both of you. But this book WAS cool. I could see that. I came close to you and asked again if you were ok with it being a birthday gift for Emory. I reminded you that I came home with a gift for you, for Zoe, and for Emory. You said yes. I said you could play with it a little, but gently. A big part of me wished you'd ask to keep it for yourself, but you didn't. I went back to dinner preparations as you and Zoe gently tapped on the keys and flipped the pages. A few minutes later you came to me and quietly said, "for my birthday, I want this book too." You were so noble, accepting, and that hidden sadness... This was the last book of its kind at the store, and even if it wasn't, your birthday was still months away, and I could not wait another second without seeing you happy. I knelt down and held you. "Echo," I said, would you like to keep this book for yourself today?" You nodded. "It is a really cool book" I said. "Let's keep this for you and I'll get another gift for Emory. But you have to let Zoe play too." You were both so happy. What else is there to live for...
I love you so much.
Mommy.
