As a grownup, I never cared for the holidays. Lack of belief, cynical view of anything collective, an intravert personality, distance from the society in which I was raise, all played part in my disengagement. Then I had kids, and now we celebrate everything. We started mildly with baby Zoe, mostly focusing on Halloween and Easter, because they are the most fun, and lightly covering Passover and Christmas, and a tad of Hanukah, without much holiday spirit. As she grew up, she became more aware, so we bumped up our efforts each season. And then you came along, and doubled the fun of each special occasion. And now, like the rest of Americans, we celebrate.
We just finished celebrating Purim and Easter. They were back to back this year, so it's been an exciting week. First came Purim, so we went to a costume party. Zoe put on her pirate costume from past Halloween and you dressed as a fairy. You loved your pink wings, and swayed your airy dress from side to side. The next day, you had another Purim celebration where you dressed as a ballerina. You adored your ballerina tutu, and kept asking me to repeat the words, so you learn the type of costume you are wearing. "This this?" you asked, pointing at your dress. "Ballerina tutu, for dancing," I responded. You looked deep into my eyes, a smile forming on your lips. "This this?" "Ballerina tutu. For dancing. "Dance." you said. "This this?" you asked again, pointing at your dress. "Ballerina tutu," I said. You tried to say it too. We repeated this cycle over and over. I also put flower clips on your hair, to complete the look. You were beautiful.
Then Easter came. I've been collecting egg and bunny related fun stuff for the last few weeks in a secret bag. Stickers, chocolates, stuffed bunnies, plastic eggs to be filled with chocolate... The night before Easter, papa and you went to Home Depot, and Zoe and I spent some mama-Zoe time, filling some of the eggs with chocolate and candy. Only some of them, because I wanted the rest to be a surprise for her too. We had so much fun that when you two came back, Zoe asked that we continue to have mama-Zoe time. On Easter day, papa and I hid the eggs in the back yard. You girls had a ton of fun looking for the eggs, and even more, eating the chocolates.
Zoe is learning a lot in Kindergarten and through her, I see how aspects of life can be confusing. She is learning about all the holidays at school, including the Chinese New Year, Presidents Day and Martin Luther King day. Given the party animal that she is, coupled with a child's love for gifts and surprises, she is expecting celebration, and is surprised that we only acknowledge these dates without gifts, decorations, and special meals. There is no explanation that makes sense, we you think about it, so I leave it to time.
Nursing:
Baby Echo, we haven't nursed 4 days in a row. It wasn't easy. It broke my heart to say no night after night, and to see your sad face, as you snuggled into my chest and sucked your thumb. Last night started like the previous 4 nights. You, on my lap, asking for boob, pointing at them, saying "yeah, yeah," me saying "no baby, you are a big girl..." you insisting, lifting my shirt, me insisting, you giving up, snuggling and sucking your thumb. Only that you didn't give up. You kept imploring. It was making me sad, and I wished you would stop asking, because I started doubting my willpower to say no. Your imploring must have affected Zoe too. She was sitting next to me, hearing our exchange. "Give her a little boob mom," she said. That pretty much broke the little resistance power I've left. Let's see how we do tonight.
You're growing:
You went down the steps, holding on to the railing, walked all the way to the mailbox, got the mail out, and started waving the envelopes, with a victorious face. We didn't ask you to get the mail. You just did.
I love you.
Mommy.
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